Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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