does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
