he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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