4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
