Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
