his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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