Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
