Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
