people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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