sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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