Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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