Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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