I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
