i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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