if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
