WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
