Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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