hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
