Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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