Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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