He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
