my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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