Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
