Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
