I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
