I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
