found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
