he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
