Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that's an acceptable place to lick
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
