super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
