I'm lost and stupid without you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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