"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
