I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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