my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
