okay pat passed out under dana's car
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
