Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
