I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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