I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize