He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
