i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
