Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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