Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
