porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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