hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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