i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
