I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
