Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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