at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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