: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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