He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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