Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
