You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
