dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another