Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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