i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.