My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
