that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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