I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
