I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.