I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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