Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
