His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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