i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
