Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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