I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
time to smoke my breakfast
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
