I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
