Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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