dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
