I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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