tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
