I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
