dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
