My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
