You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
