im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
