cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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