just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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