He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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