who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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