Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
