How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
