you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize