he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You ruined the universe
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
